I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
