I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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