accomplished twins. life is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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