So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
