My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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