Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
