I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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