I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
