i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
