I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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