I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
