Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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