The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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