I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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