the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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