I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
