I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
