Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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