You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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