I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
