you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
