yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
