my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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