My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize