do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
