so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
