Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
third nipple confirmed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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