i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
