Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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