susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
