He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The Olympian is in my bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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