the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
