my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
