All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize