Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
