Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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