After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
