so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
