remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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