I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
