i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
