And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
