but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
