Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
