my vag is so smooth its legendary
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
