nutella sex= disaster
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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