If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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