you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
