Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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