My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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