Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize