Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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