One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to be your penis for a week.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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