Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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