I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
