apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
