bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
