i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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