the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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