Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize