I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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