You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I could fuck to npr.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
