And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
