dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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