so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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