sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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