I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
