U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
