What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i came on her dog
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
