Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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