Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
