I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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