We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
