Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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