Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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