i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
