i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The power of my boobs compel you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
